POORLY-WRITTEN NEW YEAR’S THOUGHTS

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new_year_dogI’ve never enjoyed inspirational movies or clichéd motivational quotes, so it’s no surprise that I’m not fond of sentimental, sappy New Year’s thoughts and reflections.  They just seem so contrived.  So, I thought it would be fun to end the year with some poorly-written New Year’s reflections.  If you can make sense of the metaphors, then you’re one step ahead of me.

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REEVALUATING THE SECOND AMENDMENT

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170px-Bill_of_Rights_Pg1of1_ACThe United States is a nation born out of revolution.  In the face of tyrannical British rule, the thirteen colonies combined to form the first version of the United States of America, and in so doing declared independence from British authority.  As was to be expected, Great Britain resisted, and the armed conflict known as the American Revolutionary War ensued.  Tens of thousands of American militiamen and British soldiers died as a result, most as a result of starvation and disease, but many as a direct result of battle.  From the very beginning, guns helped to ensure that the revolution took hold and stood firm, and helped to shape the kind of nation that future generations would inherit.  The American gun culture was born.

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HOW TO MAKE AN OMELET THAT IS NOT TERRIBLE

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omelet200I would never purport to tell you how to make the “perfect” omelet, because there are too many kinds of omelets that are good, and multiple ways to make them all.  In any omelet, the star of the show is the egg, obviously, but once you get beyond the main ingredient, the myriad of toppings, ingredients and methods make it darn near impossible to pinpoint omelet perfection.  The point of this essay is to instruct you how to make a basic omelet that is not terrible.  Once you master the fundamentals, then you will have the freedom to build, adding additional layers of flavor and texture.

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CHRISTMAS TREE

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griswold.treePutting up a Christmas tree is not a completely horrible experience, but it’s mighty close.  On the upside, I’ve never broken out a bay window or electrocuted a cat or set an old man on fire in the context of tree-trimming, á la Clark Griswold.  So, there’s that, at least.  No one has ever died whilst the tree is being erected, knock on wood, so I guess that’s something.  However, it is a frustrating endeavor – and surprisingly painful – and nothing ever seems to go as planned.

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